EPI 68 - Don’t Shut Down, Tune In: The Hidden Habit That Hurts Your Relationships

Hey everyone, and welcome back to The Habit Within. Today, I'm diving into a topic that's been on my mind after a recent experience: the difference between stonewalling and truly stepping away when you need space in a conversation. This is something I've personally grappled with, especially in dynamics with my own family.

For a long time, I found myself defaulting to stonewalling – emotionally and physically withdrawing during conflict. It felt like a protective mechanism, a way to detach and avoid confrontation. But I've learned that while it might feel like a solution, it creates a damaging "invisible wall" in relationships, particularly with loved ones who don't understand what's happening.

In this episode, we'll uncover:

• What stonewalling really looks like – from the internal thoughts to the physical cues your body gives you.
  
  
• The nervous system's role in our automatic responses to overwhelm and conflict. I'll connect this to what I call the "fear dance" – how one person's fear response can trigger another's, creating a difficult cycle. (You can dive deeper into this in Episode 32, "The Fear Dance and Co-regulation" ).
  
  
• The crucial difference between stonewalling and stepping away with intention and clear communication.
  
  
• How to identify your personal signals that you're about to stonewall, and how to shift towards a healthier response.
  
  
• The transformative power of pausing and asking yourself if you're protecting yourself or avoiding intimacy.
  
  
• Why choosing to step away is like putting up a "bridge under repair" sign for your relationship, allowing for healing and true connection, rather than burning the bridge down.
  
  

Remember, these old patterns aren't set in stone; with awareness, they can dissolve, allowing us to build new habits of connection.

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